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Misery, Pain, And Other Things A Writer Experiences When Leaving The Desk

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I type this blog post while in the most absolutely wretched and miserable pain imaginable, whining when I accidentally move my arm so my pinky can reach the BACKSPACE key, and moaning anytime airborne molecules brush against my skin.

After sitting at my desk writing  for months, and preparing to move back to the beach-filled Los Angeles, California, I decided to start working out. This drive to get more non-caffeinated energy* turned into intense weight-lifting, push-upping and abdomen-crunching. It was all wonderfully adventurous. The next day I was reminded why I never do those things.

My Face, Present Time

Being able to feel my abdominal muscles in a way I’ve never experienced before has educated me on exactly how much those muscles are used daily. In order to keep myself from shrieking in pain, I must avoid:

– Sneezing

– Laughing

– Laying Down

– Sitting Up

– Eating

– Beating my belly like a drum

Which really ruins all my plans of having a spicy Hawaiian comedy cookout this weekend.

Luckily I can get a good deal of writing done whilst avoiding sniffles and lulz**. At the moment, I am finishing up the final draft of my next non-Bran-Hambric book. I realize a lot of you have been hearing me say that for a while now. I am also ready to punch this manuscript’s face, just as I punched the faces of its first, second, third, and fourth incarnations, until finally the resulting Frankenstein-of-punched-manuscript-faces leapt forth and declared itself my Fifth-And-Final-Draft-Or-Else. So at the moment I’m harnessing that beast down and turning it into something gentlemanly and proper for all of you to read.

He lives on my desk.

Still, being stuck at home gets to be no fun after a long time of it. Aside from a quick signing at Vidcon 2011, it’s been a long while since I’ve done any events for my books. So I’m very happy to announce that I will be attending and presenting at YAllFest 2011!

YAllFest is a huge YA book event happening in Charleston, South Carolina, USA, on November 11 – 12, 2011. As both of my book tours focused mostly on the west coast, I’m very excited to meet as many east-USA-area Nationeers as I can! This will likely be the last big book festival I attend before my Secret Project is finished.

Hope this helps


If you live anywhere near the east coast of the USA, you should try to make it there! The event is entirely free, and you’ll get to meet a lot of other people, like author superstars:

Gayle Forman

Kami Garcia

Margaret Stohl

David Levithan

Heather Brewer

Melissa de la Cruz

and lots more (they’re still announcing names). More info is at***. Hope to see you there!


* If you rearrange the letters of the previous phrase, you will find it is code for “look like Taylor Lautner”

** I herebly proclaim all ownership rights to creating a clothing line called Sniffles And Lulz LTD.

***(am I allowed to talk about Tumblr on a blog post or will that get me e-bludgeoned??)